fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
