who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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