Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
