Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
