We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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