she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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