is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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