There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Sorry my hands just texted you
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
