This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
