I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
