Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Help. Why am I so naked?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
