I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
