so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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