As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
