Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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