I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
