Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
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