So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
