I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
