I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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