i don't like sucking hair
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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