she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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