1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
