I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I didn't shave. On purpose
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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