I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
