theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
