dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
