She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
