dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
