it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
