youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize