today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Randomize
