I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
