i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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