i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
So gin and wine won't be happening again
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I think people are normalizing furries
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
