FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
God I need to hump something, right now.
You did what with his pubic hair?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
