What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
