just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
