Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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