Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
false alarm. still invincible.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
