i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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