Sry I called you an 8
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
