I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
