I think I am morally bankrupt
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
