theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
