I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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