So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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