Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
