I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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