Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
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